life done write

You’ll all be happy to know that I’m approximately 4/5 of the way through the New and Improved version of my book. That’s right kids–you won’t have to pal around just with Michael the Foot Fetishist. Oh, no, you get so much more than that. Now you also get to meet the girl who microwaved her bra, one insane (yet inspirational) hitch hiker who smelled like Nothing Good and my ex-boss who was a swinger and also mean.

There are a few things I’ll confess to have struggled with (and/or be struggling with):

1) The Parentals: obviously, they say some very silly things and do some very silly things. How many of said silly things can I include before getting cut out of the will?

2) Names: I’d like to use real names in some cases (though I have changed the names of most of the Total Retards who went on dates with me and proposed while grabbing my foot and mentioning casually that they still live with their mom and want to have sixteen babies please). Again, though, in some cases I’d like to use real names. Would you want your real name used–if it were you?

3) The dialogue: I just so happen to have Tons of ridiculous quotes and conversations noted in my journals from college and New York (hoorah!), but I’ve written down much less from Denver, it would seem, which makes it harder to recreate the conversations–as I do want them to be as true-to-life as possible. Hmm. Any ideas?

After a grueling battle with her own health, Tina Caskey decided to write a book–to help others who were struggling with unknown illnesses and difficult healthcare questions. Her book–When Something’s Wrong: How to Navigate the World of Healthcare–will be published and available for purchase soon. Her website is ready for viewing as of this weekend. Visit the site.

The Tech Department
Case in Point#1
An error message on a slide projector: “The lamp is waste a duration life. Please change the lamp.”

Case in Point #2
A sentence straight out of the user manual for a content management system: “Media and data works much like Microsoft Window in that you right like to initial most tasks.”

.One.
I was disappointed to discover that the finalists in this blog-to-magazine contest that I self-nominated for are not good. Said magazine sent me a list of finalists and encouraged everyone to check out their blogs. I only got through the first ten of them, but I am severely unimpressed.

Now, to be fair, this may be because writing fiction on a blog totally weirds me out. And maybe it doesn’t freak other people the way it freaks me.

I just find it bizarre. And not fun to read.

Also, wordy. When I go to a blog, I want a snippet, not a ten page paper with approximately 6,000 adjectives. Stop that.

.Two.
Speaking of writers, I am also shocked and dismayed by the number of aspiring ones who can’t spell. If you would like a taste of this, visit Nathan Bransford’s blog and scroll through the comments. Grammar, spelling, the need to express an opinion that sixty-three other people before you just expressed: it’s all there.

People, listen, if you want to be a writer, learn how to write. I know that you’ve seen people who can’t write making it big (thanks, stupid Di Vinci Code and stupid Marley and Me), but it’s unlikely to be you. Please, please, take a short jaunt through dictionary.com. Or stop cluttering up agents’ inboxes and let someone else get representation.

.Three.
Speaking of Nathan Bransford, read this post.

Week four should be a fairly easy week for me, as I already tend to Write Every Day, Take Notes and Publish Other People (see cat pants and bitter ball). Everyone needs an easy goal or two from time to time, though, right? It’s like putting something you already finished on your to-do list just so that you can check it off and give yourself a big, fat, gold star.

There are a couple of you who I’ve asked to write something for me—I’m calling in that favor now. It’s time for you to be published via this Very Popular and Amazing Blog. And if there are any of you who haven’t been asked, but are interested in showing up on the blog, click on the Your Story button above and submit your story to me. That area is all about you potentially getting published on the blog or in a future book. With your kind permission, of course.