2014: Sexy. Brave. Loved. Loving.

by gigigriffis

In 2012, I started asking myself a simple, delicious question: what do I want?

What do I want today? Tomorrow? Next week? This year?

It started simply enough. My answers for each day were things like Asian food, peace, a long nap, or to go dancing.

Then, as I graduated onto the larger question of what I wanted for the next month and the next year, the question morphed into who do I want to be? And I discovered a quiet, fierce longing for confidence, excitement, and strength. A longing that took the form of a simple answer: I want to be sexy.

And so 2013 became the Year of Sexy, full of building confidence, taking risks, and falling in love with myself and my life.

It was life changing.

Now, of course,  it’s time for a new year with a new set of challenges and opportunities, a fresh perspective, and, perhaps, new goals.

I love the new year because I love the clean slate. I love that we make space in our lives to think about what we want out of life. I love that we are bright-eyed believers in our power to change everything.

So this year I have been again asking myself that question: who do I want to be?

And as I’ve been asking that question, thinking about my life, and dreaming about what comes next, I’ve stumbled upon something beautiful. Another way to ask the question. Possibly an even more true and accurate way to see ourselves and set our goals.

It’s Danielle LaPorte’s theory (as laid out in her book, The Desire Map, which I haven’t read yet, but looks amazing) that true contentment comes not from achieving our checklist of goals for the year, but understanding how we want to feel and working toward that feeling.

Instead of what do I want to do?, what do I want to change?, or even who do I want to be?, Danielle asks us to ponder the question:

How do I want to feel?

Today. Tomorrow. In 2014. Always.

Maybe I love this path because it’s really what last year was about for me. Wanting to feel sexy. And in pursuing that feeling, my year felt so much more successful and authentic than those years where I made checklists.

In fact, at the end of the year, as I was taking stock of my goals, I realized that even the goals I hadn’t quite reached in the way I expected, I had reached in the sense that I had succeeded in catching the feeling I was after.

For example, one of my goals was to fill my schedule with ongoing contracts. Why? Because I didn’t want to feel stressed about money. I didn’t want to feel anxious about finding new clients all the time. I wanted to feel free. Instead of filling my schedule as I had originally planned, I learned to reframe how I think about money and abundance. I changed how I felt without actually hitting the external goal.

And so when I heard Danielle’s question, I knew that this would be how I planned my 2014.

I’d still think about the things I want to leave behind in 2013 (self-shaming, aimless internet surfing, rushing, and waiting for someone else to make things better, to start) and the things I’d like to replace them with (spending more time outside, journaling by hand, listening to more music). I’d still write out a few tangible goals (to write and publish The Good Girl’s Guide to Living a Badass Life, to make my living from travel and inspirational writing).

But at the end of the day, this year will be, as the last year was, about how I want to feel and who I want to be.

So, how do I want to feel?

Sexy. Brave. Loved + Loving.

Because sexy is magnetic, strong, beautiful, confident, and empowered.

Brave is expansive and determined. Brave means that anything is possible.

Loved means valuable. It means that I’m enough and that I matter.

Loving is fierce, powerful, and generous. Loving means that you’re enough and you matter.

And so 2014 is a year of intentional sexiness, bravery, and love. A year to expand, to go big. A year that is poised to become even better than those that came before.

How do you want to feel in 2014?

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10 comments

rob January 2, 2014 - 5:25 am

I’ve been pondering this issue a lot the last year, and spent a significant fraction of my just-finished trip to Australia trying to figure out what I want to do with my life now that I’ve grown up (sort of). I haven’t really figured it out but I have a path.

I decided to travel less, but appreciate the trips more. I felt happier in my week of hiking in Tasmania with my phone turned off and no connection to the rest of the world than I have in a long time. Despite the weather. The hours of daily exercise and opportunity to chat with people in person rather than over a wire were rejuvinating. Enough so that the other aspects of my trip were actually less fun than I had intended.

So – for 2014 my list is fairly short.

1. Lots of exercise. 2-4 hours per day. I’m happier and sleep better when my body is tired.

2. Significant disconnecting from technology on a daily basis. Facebook & email are gone from my iPad which has become purely a book for use at the gym and for some daily reading at home. No reddit or other aimless browsing. The good stuff I find isn’t worth the time looking at the worthless stuff. I need to figure out the “right” plan for email and Facebook. Email is a key part of my work. FB isn’t, but helps me connect with friends far away.

3. Short, fun trips rather than “adventures”. I have 3 trips already booked for through July and will allow myself one more in the autumn/early winter.

That’s it. I imagine some time spent perfecting & refining items #1 & #2 will cause new details to surface and perhaps induce refinements or changes.

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gigigriffis January 3, 2014 - 5:50 am

Disconnecting from technology is one I’m feeling as well (and hearing from many of those around me).

Good luck with all yours!

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Montecristo Travels (Sonja) January 2, 2014 - 8:36 am

I love the feeling angle. Because I want to feel Joy. Sexy and brave and joyful. As I turned 40 in 2013 I came realize that love and loving brought me joy. That travel brought me joy. That being outside hiking with my man and dog brought me joy. That sailing the Agean was joyful! When I lost some extra weight, regained my energy and learned how to eat and live clean… Joy!! Sexy wonderful joy. Those are the bright stars of 2013. And I want more of that for 2014. Less joyful “moments” … More “a state of joy”.

Happy new year Gigi and Luna!

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gigigriffis January 3, 2014 - 5:53 am

Love that!

Happy new year back!

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Rebecca January 2, 2014 - 1:29 pm

I want to feel peace and bravery perhaps a contradiction in terms but, it is how I want to feel brave and peace.

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gigigriffis January 3, 2014 - 5:54 am

Wonderful. I don’t think they’re contradictory at all. In fact, I think bravery often leads to peace, because it shows us what we’re truly capable of and strips away our insecurities.

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Jennifer January 3, 2014 - 5:12 am

I want to feel free and I want to feel loved.

My 2014 is going to be about simplifying life, exploring ways to break free from my 9-5, building community and making time for my friends and family.

Good luck to you in your 2014!

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gigigriffis January 3, 2014 - 5:54 am

Wonderful. Good luck!

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Rushfit January 3, 2014 - 9:14 am

Gigi,
I love your insight and heart that you shared. For me, I want to feel healthy, strong, and peaceful regardless of what is going on around me. I know I can control only one thing in life, my thinking patterns. I can’t control what comes at me, but I can control how I respond to it by way of what I think and act on. But all in all, really great post, thanks for sharing!

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gigigriffis January 4, 2014 - 11:09 am

Excellent points. Happy new year!

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