the ramble

March was a bad month. Definitely the worst of the year. Probably the worst of a lot of years. Feels like the worst of my life. And therefore I’m reviving the monthly themes. Because March is most definitely FML month. Oh, yes, coming from me, who loathes acronyms almost as much as Internet Explorer 6 and bad grammer.

I got my rejection letter from California, Irvine in the mail today. I knew what it was before I opened it. But I chided myself for being negative. When I did open it, though, the weight of that one, small piece of paper felt crushing. I almost sat down, then and there, in the snow dusted parking lot and cried.

I have my first ever appointment with a therapist on Thursday. Because every night I have dreams and every day I have really unproductive thoughts in unending strands.

Last night I had a stress dream that began in an unfinished house. I was sleeping there, I think. And his lead singer was there, talking to me. And there was something wrong; she was trying to tell me, but I couldn’t hear her. There was too much noise and too many people walking by. And I never heard what she was trying to say. The whole time.

I have stress dreams most nights. That’s the only one I remember much about though.

I guess there are some bright sides. Let’s be positive for a moment, shall we. My roommate gives me head rubs. I have plenty of dating options that I remain mostly unimpressed by. I haven’t lost my job yet. And, at least I’m not alone in having an FML month.

So there you have it. March is eff my life month.

[EDIT] The rejection from CA was followed up this next morning by a rejection from NYU. NYU’s rejection letter was the worst yet. Not because they were my first choice, by any means. CA Irvine and Iowa were battling it out for that spot. But because it took them two paragraphs to get to the part where they regret to tell me I’m not accepted. Put it in the first sentence, please, so I can stop reading.