Several days ago we got a notice about roaches:
Dear tenants, someone in your building has roaches. We’re spraying all apartments this Friday. Yada. Yada. Yada. More information pending. Love, Idiots at your Clubhouse
Fast forward to Thursday night. I’ve just worked long hours, sold the GigiJeep and finally ended my day at 8PM with another bright orange notice letter.
Dear tenants, since we’re spraying for roaches and you should be so excited, we need you to please clean your entire apartment, mop all tile and remove everything from your bathroom. Oh, and the kitchen cupboards…can you please take everything out of them, put it somewhere out of the way and cover it up. Oh, and also you’ll need to remove your pets from the apartment for a few hours. Thanks, XOXOXOX, The Idiots at your Clubhouse P.S. Please also move all your stuff away from the apartment walls for us.
I’m really not sure why anyone would think that one evening’s notice is good enough for a busy professional to move everything in their house, find a place to kennel or store their pet, clean their apartment and get all the stuff in their normal day done (you know, stuff like sleeping, work, dinner, feeding the dog, showering…clearly all of this is optional).
So, in keeping with my Not Accommodating To Idiots nature, I left a nice note telling them that one day’s notice is not acceptable for this kind of request. I even used ALL CAPS and exclamation marks! And you know how I feel about those things.
I would just like to know, Universe, why I have to explain basic logic to everyone all the time.
The characters in question do not have time for basic logic. This is due to their intense devotion to generating policy, protocol, and mandatory activities to inflict upon unsuspecting persons such as yourself. If we did not have these people, we would run the dangerous risk of having things proceed efficiently in the world, thus violating the laws of entropy.
Obviously this is not an option. We regret any inconvenience.
Love,
The Universe
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