Okay. So, first off, I do love animals. I own one. I’ve grown up around them. I like them. Mostly.
But I will say that there are certain breeds of dog that I’m less inclined toward. Meaning, anything that drools. Drooling = not okay.
I’m also not okay with animals that people are not keeping under control. Just the same way I hate children whose parents let them run around the laundromat screaming and throwing people’s laundry in the garbage (you know who you are). Same thing with dogs. If you are letting your dog go crazy at a concert–jumping on strangers, making incredible amounts of noise, etc.–STOP THAT. You can leave your dog at home, people.
The reason I bring it up is this: last night at Wash Park’s Sunday night free concert (yeah!), I was sitting in the grass with my Luna and my book. Luna was rolling around on the cool grass in happiness. I was reading Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Music was playing in the background. All was well.
Until a woman walked over with her fat, wheezing bulldog and sat down right beside me. Not a few feet away: right beside me.
Firstly, her bulldog was the loudest breather I’ve ever heard in my life. I think I made a joke to the people behind me at some point “imagine trying to sleep through that!” The thing was snorting and wheezing and just generally sounded uncomfortable. I’m sad for your dog, as it seems to have a medical problem, but could you please leave it at home or stand in the way back of the crowd where it won’t bother anyone?
Secondly, her bulldog was out of control with the DROOLING. And it kept shaking itself, making drool fly through the air and land on any person within five feet. I happen to know (from the angry looks all around) that I was not the only person totally grossed out by this. Again with the PLEASE SIT IN THE BACK or DO NOT BRING YOUR DROOLING DOG.
Thirdly, the dog wanted to be my best friend. And the woman couldn’t hold on to its leash for whatever reason. So every couple minutes, the bulldog would launch at Luna and I, landing alternately on my lap, my purse and my dog and covering each of them in drool and grossness. I asked her more than once to please keep her dog off me. I was nice about it, so it made me even angrier the second, third and fourth times it happened.
Eventually, with a wet pants leg and purse, I got up and left, feeling totally gross.
Thanks, Assholes of the World who think that you are the only people on the planet and gosh darn it everyone should love your dog, even if they can’t hear over its breathing and don’t want a sticky spit bath.
Jerk-style.
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