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Excuse Me, There’s Something in Your Cleavage
Posted on June 15, 2012 in ridiculousHappy almost-Father’s Day. If you are my dad (or, really, any dad), you might want to stop reading. Seriously. This post is about to be about boobs. And, as a dad, you don’t really want to know, right?
Seriously, though. Turn back now.
Or read ahead at your own peril.
So, earlier this week I was walking to the local takeaway food/butcher/deli place down the street and I felt a sort of stabbing feeling between my boobs. I looked down and realized that I had a roll of dog poop bags in my cleavage—which I’d put there, what, an hour, two hours, before when I was taking the dog out and I didn’t have pockets in my coat or skirt.
The truth is: I do that sometimes. Store things in my cleavage. Keys. Credit cards. Apparently, dog poop bags. I forget that not everyone does this (not everyone can do this, right?). To me, it’s somehow the logical conclusion: “Oh, well, I don’t have pockets, so…”
And in the items go.
Usually I don’t forget about them though. And usually they aren’t lime-green rolls of poop bags. So this time it was kinda embarassing.
Also, I’m in Scotland. And, true or not, my perception is that this is a somewhat proper culture. Which makes the whole poop-bag-in-my-cleavage thing a little more mortifying. Probably.
Has anyone else ever had this happen? Or is this just me?
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I once found a flash drive in my cleavage when I was changing into my pyjamas. I didn’t put it there, so it was quite a surprise.
That’s fantastic! Ha!
you want to laugh – reading this after a walk and guess what? Yep …. poop bag tucked between my bras and my left boob! we are laughing to tears over here!!
Hahah! That’s hilarious!
I thought I was the only one to store things there… I tuck my cell phone in there so that after I use the restroom at work, I lean against the sink and play my turns in Words with Friends. Nice little break. Also, away from the office, I’ll tuck things in there because you’re right – no pockets!
During a meal, I will end up dropping food in there… and one time it seemed there’d be an entire salad found later from the amount of veggies that fell in.
DANG I have to say I love the comment above about the flash drive. HILARIOUS.
PS: and AFTER I wash my hands. otherwise that would be just gross.
@Emily – Hahaha, excellent clarification. And I enjoy the salad story. I have definitely found candy and bread crumbs in mine.
Yes use my cleavage too. Learned from my grandma’s generation, circa 1900. They also put tissues up their sleeves. Keep folding money there too because I walk around my city block sized office building with no pockets. Until I took off my bra one day and the dog ate $22 that fell out.
HOWEVER THOU SHALT NOT STORE CELL PHONES IN YOUR CLEVAGE! BREAST CANCER is a leading KILLER of women.
@Grizzly – Tissues up their sleeves? Interesting idea.