life done write

1. Hey, look what I invented.

2. My favorite part is the sheep.

3. The Oatmeal tells you how to get 6 fat guys to read your website.

But I’m pretty sure this makes up for it.

Compliments of dad, who is learning how to send forwards I actually like.

1. God and the Snake like this.

2. What’s it gonna be, sad man?

3. The status of my project is that I died.

Some stuff about me (whether you wanted to know or not) that I have decided to document here:

1. I buy a lot of non-fiction for myself because A) I love non-fiction, but also because B) I want to support non-fiction writers. This is something I like to call writer karma. Someday lots of people will buy my books because of writer karma. As surely as the crow flies. Or the sun shines. Or something like that.

2. I don’t like having stuff. I very frequently give away my own stuff because it bugs me. Sometimes this results in me having to buy new stuff, because I got rid of my band aids because they sit there and don’t get any use–then, shockingly, I cut myself shaving. This is such a weird character quirk.

3. I take in everything around me. I can’t help it. If everyone around me speaks with a French accent, I start speaking in a French accent (this is particularly embarrassing when it starts happening a day or two into knowing someone. I’m never sure whether to explain that I’m not making fun of them or play it cool). Same thing with writing. I have to read fun, funny non-fiction when I’m trying to write fun, funny non-fiction. As is evidenced for my very not-funny chapters and posts while I was reading Half the Sky and Left to Tell.

This obviously makes me super cool.

4. I am allergic to cucumbers. I found out when I had cucumber paste all over my face at a spa. It was awesome.

5. I’m a pretend dog person. What I mean by that is this: I do not like dogs that are A) not well behaved, B) drooly, C) sheddy, D) barky, E) beggy or F) did I mention drooly? Therefore, my being a dog person is entirely because I expect my own dog(s) to not do any of these things. Also, I’m probably in for a heapin helpin of karma with my next pooch for being such a snob, right?

1. How dare you, sir.

2. Esscuse me, sir, I woold like some cakes, please.

3. Ideas are like bunnies.