K-Diggity: I don’t know…balls are pretty ugly.

Relatively Dashing Roommate: As an owner of balls, I agree.

Relatively Dashing Roommate: I find it funny how foreigners think. We go into a situation and do something stupid and dangerous and say “look at me! I’m like a native.” But no, you’re more like a retarded native.

Me: Exactly! Do you notice any locals in the river? No, you do not.

Me: Well, she’s just beautiful.

Her: He.

Me: Oh, he…

Her: He really likes pink. He’s gay.

8:35AM: Tea is officially seeped, so out I go for my morning tea and reading on the patio. Luna, afraid of trucks in the alley, declines to join me.

9:16AM: I finish the second part of the BTK serial killer book and move inside to put together my June social media reports before diving back into my keyword/site map project.

11:23AM: Lunch time! The final third of my burrito leftovers (those big burritos from Chipotle or Qdoba are a good three meals for me…I have no idea how Americans have gotten to the point where they can eat the whole thing in one sitting) is calling my name.

12:01PM: I realize it’s time to leave and drive down to my therapy appointment…scramble around grabbing keys and directions and my book, and head out the door a few minutes late.

12:50PM: My therapist (who just happens to be the Best Therapist in the World) and I discuss dealing with emotionally chaotic people and intrusive, boundary-less people. She’s always so insightful.

2:38PM: Feeling like I’m constantly on the go this week (and realizing that there’s no way this strategy document is going to be finished today anyway), I return home and retreat again to my back patio. My sanctuary. I’ll just spend some more time reading and give myself permission not to be a workaholic overachiever.

3:30PM: I finish Inside the Mind of BTK, which was mostly intriguing and fascinating (with some interspersed boring parts about the author being up in the middle of the night and imagining corpses). It’s time to move on to my next serial killer book (I’m sensing a theme in July’s reading schedule): Darkly Dreaming Dexter.

5:01PM: A call from my graphic designer/developer partner interrupts my Dexter bliss and we go over estimates for our lengthy non-profit proposal, which I’ll be somehow finding time for this weekend. Yikes.

6:45PM: BonBon arrives for a night of white wine, then cold beer on the back patio (until the spiders and wasps drive us inside). We talk about all the usual things:
The road they’re talking about building through the Serengeti (can you believe that? Giving poachers direct access to the animals, cutting off migration patterns…all for what? Easy access to the mines…?),
The ways childhood trauma affect people in their adult lives (particularly in relationships)
How sad it is to see so many people settling for less than they want from life…
Etc.

8:44PM: BonBon, in a fit of passion, exclaims (about men who have nothing going for them and thus are hiring prostitutes): “Go to the gym. Lay off the weed. Quit drinking so much. Quit smoking. And try to be something a woman might actually want to touch!”

11:35PM: I’m alone in my house again (except for a very sleepy Luna). As I climb into bed, I make sure all noise-making devices in my house (phone, alarm) are set to silent. It’s a Saturday tomorrow and I’m going to sleep in. Well, maybe.

Me (to the teenage grocery store shelf-stocker): Excuse me, can you tell me where the Poblano peppers are?

Her: Uhhh, what?

Me: Poblano peppers.

Her: No.

Me: Uhh, okay. How about unsweetened cherry juice?

Her: No.

She will do great things.

Guiding Ray of Sun: Me too.

Gigi: From a friend of mine…
Deleting some years-old DMs. Noticed that rather than using “waylaid,” someone used “way laid.” As in, “Sorry I was late. I got WAY LAID.”

DK: I remember creating an Animal Farm newspaper for class. haha

Guiding Ray of Sun: I think I did that too!

Gigi: Got way laid?

Guiding Ray of Sun: Not the way laid thing.

Gigi: Multiple conversations at one time!

DK: = WIN

Gigi: = blog

Guiding Ray of Sun: And I’m breaking up with you!

Gigi: Common law married! …I pulled that on Pookie the Raven again to his massive discomfort.

Guiding Ray of Sun: A couple more times, and he won’t be asking to stay with you.

Gigi: Oooh, me too…Except the Vacaville part. I hate vacas.
[long pause]
…Of the mooing version. Not the abbreviated vacation version. Abbreviated vacation = good.

DK: I don’t know of the mooing sort…is it a breed of cattle?

Gigi: Spanish for cow = vaca

DK: ahh

Gigi: I have to know their names in many languages, so I can steer clear…Get it…steer? HAHAHA

DK: *groan* Pun-ishment.

DK: that’s kind of creepy

Guiding Ray of Sun: exactly. Jay’s current headline is: KEEP A WATCHFUL EYE. All alternative headlines are inappropriate

…EYE ON SAFETY. what does that even mean?

DK: the only thing that comes to mind (and isn’t inappropriate) isn’t mine: Someone to watch over me…

Guiding Ray of Sun: he he

Gigi: CATCH YOUR KIDS IN THE ACT!
SPY ON YOUR SPOUSE

Guiding Ray of Sun: nice alliteration

Gigi: FIND OUT IF SHE’S REALLY CHEATING!

DK: Voyeurism: not just for the Internet anymore!
Voyeurism starts at home.
along with the laptop pic?
perfect.
…Big Brother isn’t the only one watching…
Little Sister can join the fun!

Gigi: I was looking forward too. It’s been too many weeks of OMG PROOF PROOF PROOF.

DK: …and OMG DIRECTIONS TO PLACES I’VE NEVER BEEN.

Gigi: AND NO FACT CHECKING, EVIL COPYWRITING SCUM.