the ramble

After I wrote about observing my San Diego host based on his apartment, I started to wonder what observations someone would make in my apartment. Here are those that I think would be made:

I like to read–mostly fantasy.
Books piled all over the place might give this impression (a partially correct one). Mostly said books are fantasy novels, but I actually read more non-fiction than fantasy. I just usually grab them from the library.

I spend some of my time cooking.
My house is full of spices and oils and all sorts of things that must be combined in order to be consumed. Unless you are strange and like to eat basil straight out of the spice can. I won’t judge.

I love to travel and take photos of said traveling.
So say the photos on my walls and the map in the office.

I am a neat freak, but not a clean freak.
Everything is in its place, but the floor is always dusty.

I can’t grow any plants to save my life.
I have two of those windows that extend outward from the house and allow you to put plants in to soak up sunshine. I use them for books and photos. Never plants.

I’m lazy when it comes to yard work.
True. And evidenced by the giant piles of broken branches on either side of the yard, the half-pulled weeds in the side yard and the dog-dug hole in the center of the yard (leftover from the last tenant, not Luna).

I am high maintenance.
There are so many lotions and eye liners and shampoos and bath salts in my bathroom. You’d think I spend all my time in there. I don’t, but the impression isn’t totally inaccurate. I can get ready on a moment’s notice, but I’m totally high maintenance in other ways. Like expecting you to pay for dinner and give me your undivided attention and buy me things that sparkle.

Well, it’s not the book you’ve been waiting for…but I’ve published an e-book! It’s a more detailed (and up-to-date) look at changing your name in Denver. So, if you are getting ready to make a legal name change, you should probably go buy it. And, bonus!, you just happen to be contributing to my writing career at the same time. Win. And win.

The other lovely benefit of this is that I’m learning (albeit with some possible bumps along the way) how to make and publish and format an e-book. I expect the next attempt (which may be on the topics of taking your dog overseas, how to budget for backpacking in Europe or how to publish an e-book – that’s right: clever) to be even better.

This weekend was the annual Denver Zombie Crawl. If you don’t know what that is: it involves thousands of people dressed like zombies, a handful dressed as zombie hunters and a few brave souls who put large X marks on their backs. The zombies hunt those with X marks. The hunters hunt the zombies. And the X mark people just run around screaming and possibly end up with a concussion.

While we did not get so into the festivities as to dress up, BonBon, Relatively Dashing Roommate and myself did make our way downtown and settle in at a patio table along the 16th Street Mall–where the zombies would be parading at 4:00. We had martinis and prayed that no one would reach across and wipe blood on us. Which they did not. Thank God.

Then we watched (obviously with running commentary) as the zombies shuddered past. There was zombie Jesus and zombie pope, who happened to run into each other in front of our humble little temporary abode–hugging and pointing out scriptures to each other while people looked on cameras in hand. There were zombie superheroes, Batman and Cat Woman (though is Cat Woman really a super hero? Or is she a villain?), and one superhero that didn’t get the zombie memo and was wandering around with no blood or ripped clothing (perhaps Spiderman isn’t the brightest of the super crowd).

There were also plenty of teenage zombies, as you might expect. And also as you might expect, they were the ones who really got into the game part of the Zombie Crawl. We’d be chatting over our cocktails, not paying things much attention, when we’d hear a series of growls and pounding footfalls and turn to see fifteen zombie teenagers chasing one person who had the unfortunate idea to put an X on his back. Being as 16th Street is all concrete and teenagers are not gentle people, we were surprised not to see any ambulances on scene.

And, of course, plenty of zombie prom dates and zombie brides and slutty zombies trounced by. Usually the slutty zombies were underage, which makes life a little uncomfortable for the rest of us, I must say.

Our favorite zombie, though, must have been the redneck zombie: dressed in a coon huntin’ hat and plaid, he shuffled by, grunting to himself. While he was shuffling and grunting and being all zombie-like, his cell phone rang and he reached down to grab it. Relatively Dashing Roommate was sure that said zombie was about to break character and answer the phone. Instead, though, the zombie lifted the phone to his face and let out a “GRRRAAAAA” into the receiver. Funniest thing that happened all afternoon.

I took a bunch of pictures with high contrast for effect. Care to see them?

The combination of watching old episodes of What Not to Wear and reading French Women Don’t Get Fat has me thinking about fashion and form.

Well, those things along with the fact that I’ve been revamping my lifestyle a little (joining a gym, removing certain things from my diet – like soda) and going through my wardrobe (I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve had to throw out quite a few things because of holes and/or stains I’d been ignoring).

Anyhow, I’m thinking about fashion. And browsing fashion blogs for perhaps the first time ever. Don’t worry, I’m not going to start wearing some of the ridiculous things I saw in New York: giant peacock hats or jeans torn to shreds. I’m just…making some changes.

Here’s some of what I’ve found–and like:

1. Professional casual

2. Socks with sandals…and yet.

3. My favorite accessory.

4. Fancy, yet cool.

5. Chilly. Delightful.

See, not big changes. I’m still trying to accessorize with men. Any takers?

.One.
It’s actually better for you to not have a period every month. The only reason that the birth control pill allows you to have a period is because its Catholic creator thought that seemed “more natural.” Your body actually doesn’t need to have one. If you don’t believe me, read Malcolm Gladwell.

.Two.
Condoms are only 80% effective in protecting you from HIV. That means you’ve got a 20% chance of getting the virus if you are engaging in risky behaviors. Be careful, people.

.Three.
From the delightful, Sincerely Anna…How to Set Someone Straight.