You’ll be glad to know that our hippie friend was not chopped to pieces by a mysterious Belizean truck driver. Instead, he was picked up by a gay man with golden front teeth, which is, by the way, not an attractive fashion choice. Said golden-toothed stranger bought our friend some beers and then invited him, along with a bunch of fit, young Swedes to his house to crash. This is when everyone figured out he was gay, as he started propositioning them with some frequency (and not subtly). Everyone slept with one eye open.
I know this because the next morning, after several hours of kayaking (during which I realized how very out of shape I am), I headed into town, had a few cappuccinos, chatted it up with the Scottish coffee shop owner, and then wandered through the local arts fest, which started today. At said art festival, I worked up an appetite and popped into a little Swiss-owned eatery for a sandwich (notice how this whole town is foreign-owned), where I randomly ran into said hippie friend and our new Swedish friends.
Things you do not need to pack for a trip to Belize: foundation or any other form of makeup, evening-wear, flats. Things you should pack more of: bug spray, mosquito netting, bug spray, sunscreen (in fact, your whole bag should be devoted to sunscreen. Scratch everything else. Except bug spray, obviously).
Fun Fact: To bulk up their guide book, Lonely Planet includes a whole section on Guatemala in their Belize book. To bulk up this blog entry, I shared said fun fact with you.